Posted in Friends, General Issues, Random Thoughts, Work

In her spare time, she enjoys…”

After the nightmare of my last discernment “The day I realised I was boring“, I was rudely reminded again this week when I finally had to write an ‘about me’ for my company’s website.

I’ve worked for this company before but stupidly I didn’t save my little bio. I did save the picture! – I don’t photograph well and photos always fall on the day that my acne flares up, I was very pleased with myself that I remembered to save it last time. It’s not particularly good but it’ll do.

Just the bio to update.

I got through the usual business stuff, my background, university, the things I’m good at and what I specialise in etc but then I got to the last line.

“She’s from a small town in the north of England and in her spare time she enjoys…”


I have no idea

What hobbies do I have? None.

Well, none that make me sound interesting.

I sent the question out to my friends, the replies I received amused me but didn’t seem professional enough for the website.

“In her spare time she drinks.”

“She enjoys being asked to leave from supermarkets for laughing too loud in the greeting cards aisle”

“She enjoys pressing all the noisy toys in shops and then walking away”

“In her spare time she gets into embarrassing and weird situations that no normal person would have to deal with”

“She likes to sleep.”

All of these are true and all of them are things I enjoy in some way but none of them seem appropriate.

Since I’ve had to put something, I’ve gone with the generic “she enjoys cooking and painting”. I do enjoy painting and I’m not sure about cooking but since it fills most of my free time I’ll leave it in. The only issue is this makes me seem like a boring 80-year-old or a house wife in the 1950s. I’ve promised our website designer something a little more exciting but I’m failing to find inspiration. I’m back to the hobby search.

Posted in Friends, General Issues, Life

The day I realised I was boring

It’s not a great thing to admit but I really am boring.

I’ve been living in a new town, 100 miles from my closest friends, since May and I still haven’t found a hobby or anyone to befriend.

I hate the jokey phone calls from my mother when she offers to buy me a children’s book on how to make friends.

I tried Patook and Borrowmydoggy to try to find company but neither have worked, I still haven’t met anyone, human or fluffy.


Why is it so difficult to make friends outside of University and school? I know all my other chums have managed to do it but some have moved back home so are around old friends and the others all work in professions where there are lots of people our age. Although I love my job, 3 colleagues and their families, I really would like it if they hired someone 20 years younger.


I’m in desperate need of some ideas.

Yes, I have tried googling it.


The Options


This list is not helpful but it keeps popping up.

  • I cook and clean every weekend but that’s not particularly fulfilling at the moment.


  • I already draw, paint, craft as much as I can but all too often I empty the craft draw out and sit staring at all the lovely bits and pieces without a single clue what to make.


  • I don’t want a hobby that involves technology, I’m fed up of using my laptop and phone for work and entertainment. It needs a break.


  • I don’t have time to volunteer right now.


  • Exercise is not my friend and having a life that is revolving around health and dieting is really bringing me down.


  • I can already sew and I don’t want to spend a lot of money on a sewing machine that won’t be used.


  • I’m not particularly open to going to a new crafty workshop because those things COST.

I’m stubborn and lost.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Posted in Clothes, Fashion, Life

Sale Shopping isn’t easy when you’re fat and broke but…

“January Sales”… Okay they start from boxing day but I still enjoy a good browse through the rails or website (preferably the website – I hate trying things on, and the snotty look you get from sales assistants when you’re not a size 2)

I’m in control of my meals and my anxiety but I’ve forgotten to monitor the shopping habit. I was hoping to stop this problem and then use the excuse of needing new clothes when (if) I lost some weight.

Plus – I’m not sure this happens to everyone – some of my pretty white work shirts have become stained where the aluminium in my deodorant has reacted. This has upset me a lot so obviously I need to replace them (the baking soda and vinegar method only works so much).

I’m trying to save money but there have been a couple of little purchases that I’m very happy with.

1. The boots!


I love these so much! My dad bought them for me to cheer me up during a little shopping trip after Christmas, I think they we about £15 – so comfortable and totally worth it! Thank you Peacocks


2. The trousers

https _media3.newlookassets.com_i_newlook_541334079D3

During the same shopping trip with my dad, I bought these, they were £4 in a sale rail at New Look.. Obviously I will need to shorten them before spring when I wear them, I have this problem with all wide leg trousers.


3. The top


Ok, not strictly a sale buy, it was a christmas gift from my mum but I still love it! It’s from Sainsburys


4. The bag


I found this in Joules at the weekend, £25 and it is beautiful (and reversible, all pink on the inside). Amazing!!!


I found a cute bomber jacket in Select but after I bought it and was waiting for delivery, I had the email saying it was out of stock. I did however pick this cute little lace top up.


I’m still looking for a simple non-padded bomber jacket if anyone comes across one.

Posted in Fat, Food, Weight-loss, Work

Meal Prep Madness

I feel like I’m turning into my mother when I say this but… I love planning my meals!

To save some money I decided to do a rough weekly plan of my meals (usually based on what’s going to be on offer in my local supermarket). It has been about a month and it’s working out very well. I especially enjoy the shopping trips that cost less than £20 for my weekly food.

I go online or pick up the little offer magazine from the supermarket and basically plan my weekly meals around it, and since the offers don’t come around that often my weekly meals are rarely boring.

It’s been working so well for my evening meals. I get home from work knowing exactly what I need to cook and it cuts out that annoying hour where I stand in front of my freezer staring at the contents looking for inspiration.

I’m guessing this is healthier too as I’m eating earlier and my body has more time to process the food before I go to bed.

I admit I occasionally swap things around, like this week I knew I had a jumbo box of fish fingers in my freezer, I keep them mainly for a quick-lunch, but I was seriously craving those breadcrumb covered rectangles – so out went the planned smoked haddock dish and in came the quick and easy finger. Plus I’ve got an extra meal to roll on to next week.


Now I am starting the lunch meal prep. How hard can it be? (My breakfast is always a berry&banana smoothie – it’s my version of coffee, I can’t cope without it)

I’m sort of already doing it.

I have tried it once before with mason jar salads (how expensive are good mason jars!!?!) but I got really bored of the salad by the 3rd day and by the end of the week I was ready to be sick from the dressing.

On Sunday, looking out at the dull rainy sky I decided it was time for another Soup Sunday.

This time I made a spinach soup and a red pepper and tomato soup.

They were so easy and they’ve been amazing so far this week.

My spinach soup;

One chopped onion

One chopped potato

A pint of veg stock

As much spinach as would fit in the pan

I thew the onion in the pan to soften, added the potato and stock later.

After the potato was soft I threw in a load of spinach and some salt and pepper

It boiled away while I did other things and I finally got around to processing it.

Into 2 microwavable pots and into my fridge… followed by a lot of cleaning because my white kitchen had been decorated with green polka dots.


At the same time I made the tomato and pepper soup

One chopped onion (and some salad spring onions I had lying in the fridge)

One chopped potato (to thicken)

One red bell pepper

One can of tomatoes

3/4 pint of veg stock

The same as every soup, I throw the onion in to soften first, then added the pepper to do the same.

Once soft I added the potato and stock, shortly followed by the can of tomatoes.

Salt and pepper to taste – and then by a stroke of genius I added some basil and a sprinkle of chilli flakes – that heat really kicked it up a flavour notch!

Boil then process and decant into tubs for the fridge.


I’m loving the meal prep – I made enough for 5 days, but since I’ve got Friday off I had a bowl for a Sunday snack.

Now to plan next weeks lunches… I’m thinking a chicken and vegetable one tray bake with couscous.

Posted in Clothes, Fashion, Fat, Life, Random Thoughts, Thighs, Weight-loss

I don’t look like the model on the box

It’s fairly obvious when trying new clothes that you’ll never look like the woman (or man) modelling them, this however, doesn’t stop my dad pointing it out.

Whislt I was at home my dad bought me a new workout outfit. A crop top and leggings. Now I’m very grateful but he mainly did this out of guilt because he’s lost my last pair.

I love the colour, the material is the most comfortable thing I’ve probably ever worn and it will definitely be used… maybe not for what it’s intended but it’ll still be used.

This is the picture on the front of the box… and me wearing the activewear.

26197035_2066722636671338_446752764_n           26176095_2066728866670715_1036945887_n

The picture, apart from cropping my head out of it, hasn’t been altered in any way shape or form. My belly, arms and thighs really do look like that (even if the grey lines and the high angle hide the worst of my wobbly bits).

I wore this lovely outfit during the weekend before New Years, it’s comfy and it’s not picking up the dog hairs so I thought it’s a win-win.

Until my dad decided to absent-mindedly point out how different I looked in it from the model. I know he didn’t mean to be hurtful, but really, was the comment necessary?

It’s very obvious that I am not going to look like the picture on the box, namely because I’m about 5 inches shorter and considerably wider but also, I’m not a model!

It got me thinking….Can activewear finally be modeled by normal sized people?

I understand the fit, toned women and men on the box are more appealing and a form of “inspiration” for what you could achieve, but why can’t there be other pictures on the box too, or in the adverts, of people of every size actually working out in the clothes?

How do we know that the model looks like that through working out? They may have had cosmetic surgery, they may starve themselves everyday to fit in those clothes, or more annoyingly they may have some good genetics and a metabolism that doesn’t hate them.

No matter how many adverts show the perfect hair/full makeup model jogging in slow motion, I know that is never going to be me.

I want to see the chubby girl put the clothes on and get off the couch.

I want to see the red-faced, sweat covered man on the rowing machine.

I want to see the unfit and out of breath person on the bike.

These are the people who will motivate me, not the toned, tanned, perfect model strutting around in the tight clothes but the genuinely normal person who is trying their hardest to feel healthy.

Posted in Food, General Issues, Life

My Little New Year Nightmare

“Happy New Year”… I’m saying it to everyone and typing it on letters but for me my new year started with a bump.

I’ve spent a truly lovely Christmas at home this year. 3 hours away from my flat and work, I had a really quiet and chilled holiday season with my parents and dogs.

Leaving a week before the big day with a little bonus from work and everything tied up before I left, I drove home in my pjs at 6am with a car full of presents and a mouth full of mince-pies. All my anxiety faded and although slightly empty and looking for something new to worry about, I was blissfully happy.

That rapidly changed on Tuesday this week.


Arriving back at my flat I knew I had to make at least 4 trips from my car to the first floor carrying many bags full of all the things you acquire over christmas – not fun.

I pulled up on the double yellow lines outside my front door to empty the car into the hallway before parking it in the residents car park. A small nagging doubt had appeared in my head a few days earlier and I half expected to come home to some sort of disaster, whether that was a burglary, fire, even squatters who had taken residence. I was wrong, but what I did walk in to wasn’t great either.

The lights didn’t turn on… strange.

My wi-fi box wasn’t working… really strange.

The smell in the kitchen was… worse than strange.

At some recent point during my absence the electricity had cut off. That’s not a problem for the lights or wi-fi, it’s a problem for the fridge-freezer.

I have a habit of stocking my food to the point that I won’t need to shop for weeks.

I was heart-broken to open the freezer door and see the leaking bags of soup and frankly disgusting looking ice cream floating in draws full of red liquid seeping from various defrosted meats.

Opening the fridge I immediately shut it as the smell hit me. Something was clearly off.


I sank to the floor and pondered the decision in front of me. Collapse on the sofa and cry or deal with it.

I’m a strong independent adult (sort of).

I dealt with it.


I switched the electricity  back on and emptied out the freezer, throwing away the things that clearly couldn’t be saved and sorting through the stuff at the back that still felt cold.

I managed to salvage a few little parcels of mince and toss them into my wok along with a couple of fresh onions, garlic cloves and a can of tomatoes. Voila, 3 tubs of a base dish for spaghetti or chilli.

Now, I’m a slight sausage addict and I had bought two large packs from the butchers before coming back so I wasn’t too worried about the one’s I was throwing away. I was able to save a small tray full by throwing them into the oven to cook, then cool and wrap in foil.


I cleaned each draw from the freezer thoroughly (using a kettle for hot water as mine didn’t want to warm up) and took a deep breath before opening the fridge.

Apart from some butter and mayo nothing in the fridge needed to be there, I still pulled out each shelf and pot of jam to give them a good clean. I was just about satisfied until I spotted it. In the door was a cracked egg that had dripped from the top shelf onto those below – that was the smell.



Apart from the heart wrenching feeling I had throwing away my once frozen homemade roast beef and water filled ice lollies, I am grateful for the experience.

I am not happy about having to replace large amounts of my favourite food, I am not happy that I need a little tub of baking soda in my fridge to get rid of any residual smell


I am happy with myself.

I’m proud that I didn’t curl up in a ball and cry, that even though I felt so anxious, alone and defeated I managed to cope for the 4 hours it took to clean and still had the energy to unpack and cook a meal.

Something like this may not be difficult for a ‘normal’ person to deal with but it was for me.

It may have not been the best start to the new year but I’ve proved that I am able to deal with whatever this year throws at me.

Staying strong.


Posted in Food, Life, TV

Sunday is Soup Day

Who doesn’t love a good bowl of soup?

My usual weekends, filled with anxiety or loneliness, are currently being filled by soup.

Last weekend I had a bit of a rough day on Saturday, my worries overflowed and I spent most of the day curled into a ball watching Netflix. By Sunday I was determined to try to power through and after noticing my ever-growing round tummy in the mirror I resolved that cake was not an option.

My Sunday mornings consist of getting up around 8ish, making a milky coffee and lounging on the sofa watching the Food Network. I used to do this at home with my parents so I see no problem carrying on with the tradition now I’m living alone.

I get inspired by the smallest of things. This time it was Ree Drummand (The Pioneer Woman) cooking potato soup for her mother-in-law. I too love soup and have far too many potatoes living on top of my fridge so this was perfect. A quick call home to my mother to double-check her recipe and I was in the kitchen grabbing a pan and a potato peeler.

An hour later I had a steaming bowl of Leek and Potato soup. It reminded me of home so much I sat with a smile on my face whilst slurping away – my dad’s favourite starter and my mum’s go to dish, oh the memories I have of leek and potato soup. It’s a Christmas lunch tradition above anything else.

The easiest recipe

2 large potatoes

1 leek

1 onion

1 pint of chicken or vegetable stock

Peel, chop, boil, simmer for a little, then blend – season to taste (in my family that means add a small mountain of ground pepper)

I had bought some crusty tiger-loaf bread so this really was a treat.


This weekend, I decided to do something slightly more complicated. I’m generally directed by whatever vegetable I have in abundance that week or if something is a little past it’s best.

So… 5 parsnips, 1 large potato and an onion. After a little bit more work I had a glorious smell of curried parsnip soup steaming through my flat.

I made up a recipe

5 parsnips, 1 large potato, 1 onion

2 cloves of garlic, a heaped teaspoon of garam masala, a teaspoon of chilli paste

1 litre of chicken stock

I sweated the onion in a little butter with the garlic, then added the chopped parsnips, potato and boiling chicken stock along with the spice.

Boil, simmer and blend

For an extra treat I swirled through some cream and the dish was instantly lifted.


As my mum always told me, it takes 3 spoonfuls of parsnip soup for you to get used to it but after that it is amazing. It really was amazing.

The main issue I’ve come across is trying to dispense the remaining soup into freezable containers – I used zip lock bags, but no matter how hard I try to be neat I make a huge mess.

After 10 minutes of washing up and wiping the drips of soup off every surface in my kitchen, I sat down thoroughly content knowing that I have four bags of lovely soup in my freezer to warm me up in the coming chilly weeks.

I didn’t waste my weekend and I kept the anxiety low. A good soup sunday.