Posted in Clothes, Fat, General Issues, Thighs

Embrasing The Wide-Leg Trouser

Anyone else got that impulsive friend who decides on a Friday afternoon “Hey, let’s do something this weekend”? They have no regard for the fact it takes a small army of people to help me decide what I’m going to wear.

This weekend, my annoying but lovely friend and I are off for a chilled day in Oxford. Cue weather checks to rule out outfits.

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As my beautiful boss has told me he’ll cover the office for most of the afternoon so I can go home early, I have a little extra time to plan. A quick search of ‘relaxed nice outfits’ (I know, so inventive), has not helped.

I, as usual, have a few issues with outfit planning.

396H

My friend is a guy who regularly dresses in the salmon-shorts-white-polo or designer jeans-hoodie combo – as you can imagine he’s at the slightly posher end of the spectrum so his outfits are relatively easy to sort.

As he’s got this posh side, we regularly end up in some of the most expensive places around…other times he’s obsessed with a McDonald’s. Other fast food chains are available.

This makes outfit planning difficult. My sizeable thighs do not help. I’ve come to the realisation that even though they make up 90% of my wardrobe, skinny jeans are not my friend. They’re too warm, too restrictive and make my legs look very short and fat.

My only inspiration right now are the girls that confidently wear the wide legged trouser and a cute vest whilst strutting through the streets with a floppy hat, massive sunglasses and an oversized handbag.

I can guarantee I won’t look that good but they remind me of my pjs so at least I’ll feel that good.

Huge problems arise when I think of the average length of leg, I am never average. I’ve got to spend my Friday night shopping for the perfect length or at lease a pair I love to give myself enough time to alter them tomorrow. The pressure is on!!

 

 

 

Posted in Fat, Thighs, Weight-loss

Fat Thighs & Good Pies

How many times have you been out with friends thinking you looked good in your little black dress or skin tight body suit tucked into a pair of skinny jeans?

How many times have you been wrong?

 

It has been exactly a year since I have left University. I spent a good 4 years living with three girls, who are three of the nicest humans I have met in my 20-odd years on this planet. Pushed together by worried parents on the first day of university we bonded over a love of tea and biscuits. I was the shortest of my little group and in terms of weight, I was 3rd out of 4.

I know University was the main cause of my weight gain but I’ve never considered myself to be obese until a pharmacist blurted out that it was normal for obese people like me to have a higher blood pressure. I just thought of myself as chunky.

The problem for me started this weekend. A bi-annual meet up with the Uni chums and suddenly I was not only the shortest but now the fattest.

Horror flashed through me and although I put on a brave face and congratulated my former chunkier friend on her new found skinniness, I was truly mortified.

 swings

 

As usual we got drunk and I forgot all about it…. UNTIL THE PHOTOS.

It’s never a nice feeling after a night out to get that notification

“Jessica has tagged 98 photos of you”

I can’t be the only one whose heart sinks and involuntary mutters the word “b****”.

The photographs from the weekend show a group of happy and rather intoxicated friends having a good time. On closer inspection, we see a shorter girl in a beautiful dress that sticks to her every curve. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that this girl has bought this dress to compliment her hour glass figure, there’s only one problem… Her thighs are a match for this guy.

Luke McAlister

This is Luke McAlister, All Blacks Rugby Player. Yes, he is gorgeous but imagine him in a dress… still gorgeous.

 

Now I’ve decided to try to do something about *dramatic sobs* the size of my thighs.

About a month ago I spent my well-earned cash on new sports equipment, a barrel bag, swimming costume and goggles and then they sat in the bag in the boot of my car waiting for the day I finally worked up enough motivation to go. They are no longer in said bag, as I used it as a weekend bag this week, they are however still in their original packaging in a corner of my room.

 

So it is now Thursday, I’ve spent 3 days googling “How to lose weight in 2 weeks” which is when I see my new skinny friend again and also a minor pop star that I’ve been besotted with for about 2 years – I need to look slimmer.

For all you defeatist attitudes, yes, I have already bought a body shaper, or as we affectionately refer to it, all-over-fat-pants.

My main problem area right now are my sizable thighs – Not something you can control with hidden fat pants, especially when you’re barely 5’2” and all your dresses are t-shirt length on an average heighted person.

To make matters worse, I am a northern country girl living ‘down south’. My love of pies and everything with gravy gets stronger the more homesick and lonely I become.

I (after Saturday, as I’ve got a family sized trifle to finish) will attempt to lose weight using any method that doesn’t involve going under the knife.

 

I am very appreciative of any tips. Please be aware that I am one of the laziest humans on the planet and already eat relatively healthily MOST days.