Posted in Fat, Food, General Issues, Life, Weight-loss

Waiting for the weight-loss

So after weeks of general complaining and trying a number of ‘quick fixes’ I can honestly say… I’m still fat.

Has anyone had a positive result from a quick fix diet?

I’ve caught myself googling “why am I still fat?” on too many occasions now.

Way back, during the week I decided to “change” I was weighed by a nurse so I had a pretty good base weight to go on. This weekend I finally unpacked my scales that I’d intentionally left in a storage box when I moved in May.

I placed my scales in the bathroom and whilst my Sunday evening bath was running I weighed myself. I’ve always told myself it’s better to weigh myself in as little as possible because jeans are obviously the heaviest thing known to man and it is their fault the scales say I’m obese.

My heart sunk as the stupid little dial showed that I have put on 4kg. That’s 8 pounds!

How!?

I’ve been cutting down portion sizes, changed my sugary morning cereal for low-fat smoothies, made sure I ate as few carbs as possible and I’m eating salad. Salad!

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Incredibly I thought I’d been losing weight, I’d been feeling better. Well up until last week when I had a week free of morning smoothies. I noticed a significant drop in energy levels when I don’t have my bananas and berries.

 

I asked my friends what they thought. Not the ‘nice friends’ but the brutally honest best friends that have similar problems. I received 5 common answers.

 

1. “It’s just water retention”pexels-photo-113734.jpeg

Retaining water has been an issue since I was about 10, I wasn’t sure why but I always knew if my shorts wouldn’t button up I should go to the loo and 9/10 it worked.

Now I know it’s more my fault. I don’t drink enough.

I have my morning smoothie, (sometimes with a coffee), then maybe 4 or 5 cups of tea whilst I’m at work. I go home to a glass of juice (or wine).

I don’t really enjoy water and I can’t spend any more time going to the bathroom. I’ve already wondered if I should move my desk in there.

 

2. “I blame the pill”

Yes, it’s a well googled fact, the pill increases your appetite and makes it harder to lose weight. I think it’s also makes the water retention worse.

I’d like to blame the pill but as I’m not going to stop taking it, I’ve got to find a way around it.

 

3. “You don’t exercise enough”

Yes, I know I don’t. I’m working on it. Next.

 

4. “You’re not calorie counting”

No, I don’t want to spend my life having a breakdown because I’m 3 calories over my daily intake.

pexels-photo-944361.jpegI refuse to be one of those people who read the label before they eat.

I eat low-fat yoghurt in my smoothies, I have cut the majority of carbs out of my diet and I eat salads with low fat or no dressing. I’m not going to starve myself of everything I love. I’ve already given up bread which has left a huge hole in my life.

 

5. “Your Expectations Are Unrealistic”

This sounds more likely.

I have never really tried to lose weight properly so I’m not really sure how fast it’s supposed to happen. Watching the tv weight loss reality shows does not give me a good comparison. They have specialist trainers, diet experts and coaches to slap the cake out of their hands. Plus they’re on tv for some family/life saving/personal mission with a purpose. My aim is to fit back into some old clothes so I don’t have the stress of buying more.

Trying to combine a weight-loss regime with a love of food and lack of motivation to exercise is not easy.

It’s not possible.

If I read one more article on how I shouldn’t be dieting but I should be changing my lifestyle I will scream.

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Posted in Food, General Issues, Life, Relationships, Weight-loss

The Post Break-Up Binge

I wasn’t going to bore anyone with this but I think it’s important for me to get off my chest how much I miss… eating carbs.

To cut a long story short, I have been with the boyfriend for 17 months, we met at University where he was an older first year and I was about to graduate. We kept up a decent long distance thing for 13 months but for the past 2 it has become very clear that we’ve grown apart. I’ve grown up, he refuses to.

Thursday night saw a series of phone calls where things finally ended. I just felt relief. I realise how bad that may sound but I have had a few weeks to process it and gear myself up to actually saying something to him.

 

After the usual messages to friends to let them know (much to their relief as well I’m sure) and a call home to inform the parents, I went to bed late and set my alarm for an extra 30 minute lie in.

I deserved it.

Strangely I didn’t need it, I woke up at my usual time and was able to get up straight away without the daily bartering and mental preparation I go through to pull myself out of bed.

I just had the urge to clean.

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I live in a one-bedroom flat, cleaning doesn’t take too long. Whenever my now ex used to visit he would leave a trail of rubbish, dirt, tobacco and weed behind him. Weekends were always a difficult time for my OCD. The moment I dropped him at the train station a huge feeling of excitement would wash over me as I realised I could clean without him judging me. The flat would be disinfected, polished, sheets changed, floors mopped, washing up done etc. within an hour of me arriving home. BLISS

 

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So Friday morning, even though he hadn’t visited in at least 5 weeks I got up to clean. Texts from friends checking on me were replied to with a happy breezy comment whilst I sat on my neat and freshly wiped leather sofa with a well-deserved coffee.

 

 

pexels-photo-57799Friday then saw an extremely productive day at work, though I’ve not told my colleagues what happened yet. In the evening I packed an overnight bag for the weekend and relaxed with a funny Ryan Reynolds film, perfectly cooked steak followed by a bowl of ice cream. Yes, I didn’t even eat it out of the tub!

 

Is this the easiest break-up I’ve ever had? I think so.

 

Sunday was a little more difficult. I should have seen him but obviously now didn’t have to. A great night out with my best friend and night in a hotel gave me, at best, 4 hours sleep, followed by “continental breakfast” (always disappointing when sausages are on offer) and a 3 hour train journey home.

I walked in and cracked.

 

I had put wet laundry on an airer before I left so whilst I put everything away and unpacked my bag a pan full of pasta bubbled away.

My almost carb free diet was ruined. I needed filling comfort food to help me relax before Monday morning comes around.

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I haven’t cried about this, I’ve hardly even felt sad but my hunger for pasta, potatoes and bread has increased. They have left a much larger hole in my life.

 

Sunday evening was more productive. After I ate a glorious bowl of squishy yellow goodness I convinced myself I needed to get up and do something so I could help the digestion.

More cleaning. I put everything away down to the last hair grip. As I came to the final hurdle – the washing up – I crashed and went back to the comfort of the sofa and an episode of The Office (US).

 

I instantly regretted not washing up when I awoke today. One of my best friends has offered to come over and cook for me tonight while I lounge on the sofa with a glass of wine – his words!

So obviously I can’t expect him to wash up before he starts.

It’s my choice what he cooks for dinner… Can I have a meal that is solely made from carbs?

 

Posted in Clothes, Fat, Food, Weight-loss

Swapping Cereal for Smoothies to Drop 5lbs?

So I read an article a few weeks back about how someone swapped all their unhealthy meals for smoothies. I don’t really agree that this will work or at least do anything for me but I’m going to give it a go.

 

I’m combining this with some of the points in “12 tricks to drop 5 pounds in a week”. It may sound slightly at odds as the first “step” says to only drink water but I don’t like water.

The 12 Steps in a nutshell:

1. Drink Mainly Water

2. Swap Refined Carbs for Veggies

3. Do Cardio 30 Minutes a Day

4. Drink Coffee an Hour Before Working Out

5. Have Nightly You-On-Top Sex

6. Do 36 Push-Ups and Lunges Every Other Day

7. Sleep 30 Minutes More a Night

8. Make One Food Sacrifice

9. Eat Salmon

10. Pop an Anti-Gas Pill

11. Stand Up Straight

12. Do Squats and Sit-Ups

 

Why am I doing this?

Firstly, it’s Monday morning and I’m going to a concert on Saturday night so to feel better in a dress I thought I’d give this week a try.

Secondly, I love smoothies and I ran out of milk.

So…

This morning instead of my beloved Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, I threw a large handful of frozen mixed berries into my blender along with a banana, orange juice and some low fat Greek style yoghurt. It was delicious and I almost forgot about my lack of flakes.

Drinking it from my new bottle I was able to take it to work and sip throughout the morning, this stopped the usual mid-morning munchies and meant that by the time it came to lunch I only wanted a sandwich and not the usual extras of either a lemon posset or flapjack (my favourites from our building’s canteen).

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I’m not one for product placement but I love this bottle. It’s simple, it doesn’t leak and it’s pink! I found it in Wilkinsons at the weekend and it’s the best one I’ve come across. The infuser bottles draw me in but I know I’m never going to use them properly. This is the only one that had a decent “mouth piece” that will allow those random un-blended bits of banana through and it won’t get blocked with seeds. I LOVE it.20170703_121327

Side Note: I sucked the smoothie up too hard so created a vacuum, I made a very loud kissing noise when I pulled it away – slightly embarrassing moment in the office.

 

 

I don’t want to radically change my diet so for lunch I had tuna mayo with lettuce and cucumber on brown bread and tonight I plan on having salmon, green beans, baby corn with sweet chilli sauce (Step 2 and Step 9). I’d been planning on having this anyway, luckily it fits farily well. Keeping the carbs in the middle of the day is probably going to be a better option for my digestion – after dinner I plan on being lazy… I mean getting those extra 30 minutes of sleep (Step 7).

 

The part I’m going to struggle with is the exercise. Do 30 minutes of Cardio a day (Step 3)? The last time I did a cardio workout was the summer of 2014 at a fitness class in the middle of a sports shop. The first and last time that’s going to happen.

 

But for the purpose of trying to impress a band member, that is likely to already have a girlfriend, I will try. I will try for my own ego’s sake… You never know, he might like a chunkier girl (is what I keep telling myself).

 

If you want to try this yourselves I would be very interested to hear if it works.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/health-fitness/advice/a5614/drop-5-pounds-in-a-week-0509/

 

And for those of you who read my Friday complaining post, I apologise, but I did manage to find some wide-legged trousers that I loved… Of course, I had to hem them as they were 3 inches too long. *sigh*

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Posted in Fat, Thighs, Weight-loss

Fat Thighs & Good Pies

How many times have you been out with friends thinking you looked good in your little black dress or skin tight body suit tucked into a pair of skinny jeans?

How many times have you been wrong?

 

It has been exactly a year since I have left University. I spent a good 4 years living with three girls, who are three of the nicest humans I have met in my 20-odd years on this planet. Pushed together by worried parents on the first day of university we bonded over a love of tea and biscuits. I was the shortest of my little group and in terms of weight, I was 3rd out of 4.

I know University was the main cause of my weight gain but I’ve never considered myself to be obese until a pharmacist blurted out that it was normal for obese people like me to have a higher blood pressure. I just thought of myself as chunky.

The problem for me started this weekend. A bi-annual meet up with the Uni chums and suddenly I was not only the shortest but now the fattest.

Horror flashed through me and although I put on a brave face and congratulated my former chunkier friend on her new found skinniness, I was truly mortified.

 swings

 

As usual we got drunk and I forgot all about it…. UNTIL THE PHOTOS.

It’s never a nice feeling after a night out to get that notification

“Jessica has tagged 98 photos of you”

I can’t be the only one whose heart sinks and involuntary mutters the word “b****”.

The photographs from the weekend show a group of happy and rather intoxicated friends having a good time. On closer inspection, we see a shorter girl in a beautiful dress that sticks to her every curve. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that this girl has bought this dress to compliment her hour glass figure, there’s only one problem… Her thighs are a match for this guy.

Luke McAlister

This is Luke McAlister, All Blacks Rugby Player. Yes, he is gorgeous but imagine him in a dress… still gorgeous.

 

Now I’ve decided to try to do something about *dramatic sobs* the size of my thighs.

About a month ago I spent my well-earned cash on new sports equipment, a barrel bag, swimming costume and goggles and then they sat in the bag in the boot of my car waiting for the day I finally worked up enough motivation to go. They are no longer in said bag, as I used it as a weekend bag this week, they are however still in their original packaging in a corner of my room.

 

So it is now Thursday, I’ve spent 3 days googling “How to lose weight in 2 weeks” which is when I see my new skinny friend again and also a minor pop star that I’ve been besotted with for about 2 years – I need to look slimmer.

For all you defeatist attitudes, yes, I have already bought a body shaper, or as we affectionately refer to it, all-over-fat-pants.

My main problem area right now are my sizable thighs – Not something you can control with hidden fat pants, especially when you’re barely 5’2” and all your dresses are t-shirt length on an average heighted person.

To make matters worse, I am a northern country girl living ‘down south’. My love of pies and everything with gravy gets stronger the more homesick and lonely I become.

I (after Saturday, as I’ve got a family sized trifle to finish) will attempt to lose weight using any method that doesn’t involve going under the knife.

 

I am very appreciative of any tips. Please be aware that I am one of the laziest humans on the planet and already eat relatively healthily MOST days.